More virtual support groups for men popping up in Gulf region

The Men’s Health Forum, a charity organization that conducts research and advocates for men’s health in the UK, highlights that 12.5 percent of men suffer from a common mental health disorder. Suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under 35.

While there is ample research that points to the prevalence of men’s mental health and why it is a cause of concern in the Western world, research in the Arab world is still largely lacking.

A study conducted by the University of Sharjah highlights that anxiety and depression in the UAE are the most common mental health disorders as women are more willing to access formal mental health services than men.

“These conditions can be genetic as men with a family history may have a predisposition,” said Carolyn Yaffe, a psychotherapist at the Camali Clinic in Dubai.

She said that other environmental stressors such as being the primary caretaker of a family, job responsibilities or sudden life changes can also put men at a greater risk.

“In the Arab culture, men are expected to be resilient and strong,” Yaffe said.

“Any mental health condition like anxiety and depression is seen as weakness and inadequacy. Therefore, their depression may play out in the form of anger or aggression, which is a more acceptable and ‘masculine’ behavior.”

Hamad Al-Saad, a former policeman turned holistic wellness coach from Bahrain, shed some light on gender norms in the Arab society.

“Men have always been the hunters, gatherers, and providers — this is still embedded in our culture and behaviors,” he said.

“We have to act strong, uphold the name and honor of our family and tribe. Displaying any kind of sensitive energy, like crying, is therefore considered shameful.”

Through his coaching work, Al-Saad has received countless private messages and testimonies from men who were struggling in silence, so he knew they were out there. While there are many publicly-promoted support groups geared toward women, Al-Saad noticed a dearth of support groups for men. Considering the ongoing coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic and the fact that men are usually hesitant to seek help, a virtual support group seemed like an ideal solution.

Earlier this year, Al-Saad founded the Gentlemen’s Circle, an online support group that helps men reclaim their emotional power and embrace their authentic self. With an aim to “bring back the gentle in gentlemen,” the group meets virtually every week and uses a structured approach to support its members.

Al-Saad shared an example of how one member initially defined his worth through achievements and success.

“It seemed like he did not know himself,” Al Saad said. “But slowly, we saw him open up, share his hobbies, and tap into his inner child. It was so difficult for him in the beginning.”

Amid family responsibilities, another member of the group felt lost. Al-Saad shared how the support group validated the member’s experience to help him through a tough time.

“We all go through the same things and if we do not speak about it, no one will know what is going on,” Al Saad said. “It is OK to express, to be seen and heard, and to seek validation through anything we are going through.”

Tapping into their authenticity is an ideal outcome for the sessions.

“That in itself has a huge impact on how people are able to carry on with their lives,” he said.

The male expatriate population is also a vulnerable demographic, Yaffe said. In her psychotherapy practice, she met many men with stressors specific to the expat community.

“Job transfers, no job security, helping their family and children adjust to an unfamiliar society, high costs of living, and loneliness (if away from family) are some reasons why men’s mental health is a relevant issue,” Yaffe said.

In 2019, Michael Leonard, an executive coach and therapist, founded Any Man in Dubai. The group aims to connect men with common interests and help them process the challenges that life throws at them.

“Sitting with a group of peers and talking about real, honest things — without judgment or fear — can be quite powerful,” Leonard said.

“We hope to affect a change where men can be open and accountable for their emotional states.”

Saif Al-Bitar, a life coach and counselor, who works with Any Man said the group hopes to create a culture that moves away from the male gender norms that currently exist.

“Universally, there is a culture of toxic masculinity,” he said. “We are trying to move away from preconceived notions of what defines their masculinity by showing them a different way to look at life, themselves, and others.”

The group’s weekly virtual sessions begin with meditation that allows members to connect with their physical and emotional states. Al-Bitar shared an example where one member was angry because he was bullied at work and how the team used different methods to get the member to identify and process his emotions.

Apart from virtual and in-person small group sessions, Any Man also hosts weekend retreats where they take members out into natural settings in the UAE.

“The two-day retreats include yoga, meditation, anger and self-acceptance ceremonies,” Leonard said. “But also, a lot of exercises that help them look inward.”

Leonard shared an example from last year’s retreat when several Arab men arrived feeling nervous, but within the first hour, the group was hugging and crying with each other.

“It was a really intense weekend and they processed a lot of things,” he said. “They left the retreat saying ‘I need to do more work on this.’ It was the start of a journey for many of them. It was also humbling and powerful to observe.”